ATTACHMENT STYLES AND BEHAVIOURS, HOW THEY AFFECT ADULT RELATIONSHIPS AND HOW TO ADDRESS THEM IN COUPLES COUNSELLING

The ability to and way we attach to someone starts with the emotional connection or bond we formed as an infant with our primary caregiver, most likely our mother. When a child is securely attached to a caregiver, it allows the child to form trust and self-reliance and enables him or her to form attachments to others as he or she grows up. As an adult, this usually translates to being self-confident, manage conflict, respond to intimacy, and navigate the ups and downs of romantic relationships.

If we experienced confusing, frightening, or inconsistent emotional communication during infancy, or if our caregiver was unable to consistently respond to our needs, we were more likely to have developed an insecure attachment. As adults we may have difficulty understanding our emotions and the feelings of others, making it difficult to connect to others, by shying away from intimacy, or be too clingy, fearful, or anxious in a relationship.

However, these insecure attachment behaviours do not exclude possibilities for resilience – the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences. Understanding our attachment behaviours can offer vital clues as to why we may be having problems in our adult relationships. Perhaps we behave in puzzling or self-destructive ways when we are in a close relationship. Maybe we repeatedly make the same mistakes over and over. Or maybe we struggle to form meaningful connections in the first place. Our attachment behaviours could be a contributing factor influencing this behaviour.

The focus on developing attachment from childhood does not ignore the role of genetic pre-dispositions, syndromes and circumstances during pregnancy and at birth, acknowledging that they may influence the ability to attach with a caregiver in various significant ways. However, all considered, in the fast-growing field of research on close relationships from childhood into adulthood attachment theory is one of the more influential theoretical approaches to help us understand and deal with relationships and interaction. This includes the studies of romantic partnerships and marital relationships, including their formation, maintenance, and termination. How attachments develop and function can never be fully understood but provides a platform for understanding human interaction and close relationships.

By identifying our attachment behaviours, we can learn to challenge our insecurities, develop a more securely attached way of relating to others, and build stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships.

This two-day course equips the trainees with the practical application of assisting struggling couples find better connection. It provides an applied counselling process and how to assist the individuals to address their insecure behaviours in their relationships. Day 1 allows trainees to grasp the background and implementation of addressing attachment styles, while day 2 provides trainees with a step-by-step guide in applying this approach during couples counselling.