PRACTICAL TOOLS FOR THE COUNSELLOR NAVIGATING THE IMPACT OF INFIDELITY

Infidelity, adultery, unfaithfulness or just commonly referred to as “cheating”, is on top of the list of reasons for divorce in South Africa. It shakes the very foundation of any relationship, breaching the mutually agreed rule on which the relationship is based, namely trust.

Although infidelity is most generally perceived as one or more secretive physical encounters with a third party, varying from a kiss or a fling, a brief sexual encounter, or long-term relationship. It may, however, also include other behaviours such as viewing pornography, sexting and chats, or emotional affairs, any of which result in a neglect in a relationship to pursue an outside interest. Irrespective of how it is defined, it is the ongoing emotional and physical relationships (also referred to as an affair) that most deeply affect an existing marriage or relationship.

Although the details and interpretations of these situations may vary, for the purposes of this workshop, an affair usually involves sexual attraction, excitement or anticipated excitement, secrecy and deception and emotional intimacy which exceeds the intimacy within the marriage or existing relationship. It severely impacts the relationship of ALL the people involved – the “unfaithful” partner, the “third party”, the non-participating, and the partner of the third party (if applicable) and all or any children, usually leave them feeling devastated, alone, inadequate, shamed, betrayed, hurt, angry and confused.

Having an affair ALWAYS comes to light. When it is first discovered, both partners go into a state of shock; they respond emotionally as it may feel that their whole world has collapsed.  They experience feelings of shame, depression, anger, resentment, guilt, and remorse. The relationship is in serious trouble and intervention is required to control the resulting damage.

This two-day course equips the trainees with practical tools. It provides an applied counselling process and how to assist the individuals affected by this action. Day 1 allows trainees to grasp the background and implications of infidelity, while day 2 provides trainees with a step-by-step guide in the restoration or break-up of the relationship.